Hallowe'en

Although I regrettably have no pictures to show for it, I distinctly recall one Hallowe'en in my younger years where I was determined to dress as the Headless Horseman, with whom I was obsessed. This was a short-lived endeavor, however, as no one opening the first five doors I went to showed any recognition at the sight of a headless body holding a jack-o'-lantern. I went home. That's how a lack of culture on the part of my neighbors ruined my Hallowe'en. That's also how I suffered from a candy deficiency for the rest of that week.

I recently attended a cocktail party wherein I attempted to make something rhetorical out of Hallowe'en by bringing a grave-shaped box labeled "The Tea Party" in which I spun a top labeled "William F. Buckley". Buckley, a truly intellectual conservative, is thus spinning in his grave due to the actions of the Tea Party.